by Ngawang Tenzin

MEDITATION ON EQUANIMITY [posted November 2003]

Meditation is to acquaint our mind to a particular object. As your mind is wild and untrained, you carry out numerous things that cause you regret and suffering eventually. And you lack mindfulness. Therefore, meditation calls to your mind not to carry out the same mistake once more. Here is the material that you will be able to practice, which will create positive impact on your mind and manner. For instance, meditation reminds you to keep away from anger when a thing or someone stirs your anger.

Developing equanimity

Your thoughts towards others are usually unbalanced. Seeing a friend, or someone we like, we are thrilled. On the other hand, by seeing an enemy or a detested person a feeling of aversion naturally arises. When you see a stranger, or someone you neither like nor dislike, your mind remains indifferent to them. Such unbalanced thoughts are the main obstacles to developing unbiased love and compassion. And even if we cannot develop love and compassion, we can develop equanimity towards others and this has more advantages to produce a peaceful mind.

Contemplation

We ought to think: In previous lives the person who is now our friend was our enemy, and our present enemy has been our closest friend. Buddha said: eating the meat of the father, kicking the mother, while keeping the enemy in his lap. He was eating a fish, which had been his father in a precious life, while the dog he kicked was his previous mother. The son he kept on his lap was his enemy who killed him in a previous life. Then in previous lives, and even in this very short life, friends quickly turn into enemies and enemies turn into friends. Today we say he is nice and tomorrow we say he is bad. There is no certainty.

At one time, we have been close to those we now look upon as strangers. And there will come a time when we estrange from those we now feel close to. Therefore, there is no sense in our being attached to some and feeling aversion towards others. So, I will guard my thoughts from attachment, hatred and anger, by developing equanimity.

By thinking in this manner we can dispose of these unbalanced thoughts of attachment, aversion and indifference. We can develop instead a kind hearted feeling for others.

Meditation

By contemplating the above points we will come to three conclusions:
1. I will free my mind from unbalanced thoughts.
2. I will not feel attachment, aversion or anger towards
others.
3. I will develop and maintain equanimity towards others.
We should meditate single-pointedly without distraction on these three consclusions for as long as possible.

Everyday we should maintain these three conclusions, keeping in our heart equanimity towards everyone around us. If we do so, there will be no basis for the problems of attachment and anger. Our mind will remain at peace all the time.

May everyone be happy!
May everyone be free from misery!

Accept or show neutral toward diversity of thoughts - bring us harmony and happiness. [posted 1/10/04]

A mother practices Christianity, while her son practice Buddhism: it is owing to their respective thought. Even in a family, each member has different thoughts. We think, without analyze, that the parents and children must have the same thoughts. It is not the case. Most important, every human has right to do what they think, and no one can stop their thought, unless their thought are not against law.

Our hearts do not accept that every human - no matter she or he is - has different thoughts - we always develop unnecessary, painful feelings when discovered different thoughts.

Even for a couple, a husband watch TV after return from office; the wife wants him to talk with her, instead. So the wife shouted, why don't you talk to me? You always watch TV right after the office, and never talk to me. The husband replied, I got tire and take relax by watching TV. They gradually pick up things (which occurred in the past) to continue verbal fighting. If she let him to watch TV, then there would have no verbal fighting which eventually cause for separation or divorce.

We grow to be unhappy mostly due to difference in thought. However, our own children follow their own thoughts, instead of pursuing that of parents - how can others follow our thoughts. If they like and have something to do with your thought, he will follow you, or he will not, and thus there is nothing to be emotional.

Being narrowed minded it is hard to adjust ones life with fellows, whereas the opened minded could adjust with varied people. And the Lord Buddha deals and helps living beings in accordance with their thoughts and desires.

Harmony must be begun in ones home!

As harmony begins in ones home, it is indispensable, at the beginning, to develop good harmony among your family; and, if so, you will able to extend the harmony to your relatives, friends, and then to people around us. Thus, read the following matters in order to keep intact and high-quality harmony:

You should appreciate other work, major or minor, which cheer and inspire them. Appreciation initiates people to perform cheerfully, and voluntarily. And it is priceless advantage for you to appreciate other. Like us, every one likes appreciation.

Some do not want to listen, but merely want to talk - they are not aware of the numerous advantages of listening. When he is talking, you must listen, and do not try to interrupt him. Finished his talking, you can begin your conversation. Some convert into light feeling right after talking. So let him to talk. Good listener is first-rate in solving a problem.

I believe it is not wise to enter into argument. Rather it makes things worse. By arguing you can't convince or persuade other. And there will be no agreement. Always try to avoid arguing. No one win by arguing.

It is important to know the interest and likeness of others, and accordingly talk to them.

Well, we do criticize when we dislike. Criticism creates humiliation and cause other to develop hatred. How does it help to criticize others? It solely helps to intensify his anger and dislike. And it is not good idea to criticize other. Rather we must make them realize their faults with skillful means.

The term "communication" play very crucial role in our daily life. It is not uphill job to use cheerful, encouraging, bright words in order to attract and influence others. It is our careless mistake that we normally do not pay attention on what we are talking. Think before say a word.

When you talk and listen, or do, you must have smile on your face. The smile keeps your mind in calm and it positively influence others simply because of your smile.

This is the world where live people with different form as that of an ocean. Because of our Karma - good or bad - in previous life we take rebirth with different skin or look (Some skin is called good looks, and some hard-featured.). It is unchangeable fact that people differ in form, color, race, religion, culture, language, etc. It is unfair to use unpleasant words to others because of external appearance. On the whole, unpleasant words brings out undesirable effect which oneself has to experience one day.

The king Selgyal had a daughter called Dorje. She had repulsive looking; jagged skin like tiger's skin, and hair very rough. The king, unpleasant, confined her daughter in a room where no one could catch a glimpse of her. Later, the king ordered a poor officer to marry Dorje and gave them provisions, which could last for the whole life. The King told him not to show her to anyone. Once, there was a par! ty, in which every couple and their children took part. When he was alone, some doubted why he did not bring her wife. (They guess he must have one) His key was taken away when he was in drunk. Five people were sent to watch his wife.

At that time, Dorje thought, " What kind of sin I committed that I had to live in a dark place and never seen the sun and the moon. The Buddha lives in this world. If Buddha protect and help those tormented by suffering, I offer prostration to him." She deeply wished the Buddha to appear and show his face. Immediately the Buddha understood her wish and came to her room. Buddha first showed his hair. She was so happy that it purified her thoughts, with the result that her hair turned into smooth and colorful. And seeing Buddha 's face and body transformed her into a woman with gorgeous face and figure. Thus she became as a daughter of god.

The five people were flabbergasted to see a very beautiful wife, and they thought that her beauty was the! reason to keep her in the room. Later her husband came and she told him about the Buddha. After sometime, the king heard the story. All of them - including the King - developed great faith and went to offering to Buddha, to whom they asked the reason of why Dorje turned into a very beautiful woman. Buddha said:

There was a rich man in Varanasi. He did offering to a monk, the frequent visitor to his home. The monk was very ugly and had rough skin. The rich man had a daughter who said the monk was ugly and had rough skin. The daughter was Dorje.

It is spiritual practice not to use unpleasant words to fellow human, and unpleasant word is against the spiritual practice. Not only that, we accumulate, through unpleasant words, un-virtuous that has to be faced sooner or later.

We only see external beauty, not internal beauty, that is, kind and lov! ely. Internal beauty is real beauty. External beauty is merely composition of skin and cosmetics - it is uncertain since the body could turn into fat or skinny, or ugly. When people focus their attention on external beauty, unpleasant words crops up when seeing a fellow with blemish on face and body. The skin covers our skeleton, and we call beauty or not beauty on basis of the skin.

The mind of human being is sensitive - easier to react. Unpleasant words very much hurt others, like us. Excerpt the difference in gross and subtle; we all have the same reaction because we all are the human beings.

When we sick, how we look like? We look pale and gray. When we depress and angry, how we look like. Before using unpleasant words to other, look at us and think or study in a mirror. Do you like when other use unpleasant words to you? Of course you do not like, so too others. The fact is that nobody likes unpleasant words. We are happy when people like you.

We must root out the unpleasant words from our speech, and instead use pleasant words - make it our habit.

May everyone be happy!
May everyone be free from misery!

The giving has three parts: giving of Dharma. Giving of un-fear and giving of materials. Teaching, advice and discuss on Dharma is known as giving of Dharma. The giving of un-fear is that one protects other from fear of animals, punishment and so on. To offer things and money other is called giving of materials.

Miser is an antidote of giving. We naturally have miser, as we are not this much familiar with giving. Miser that is a part of attachment serves as hindrance, which we need to stop by thinking in positive or virtuous way. Giving is motivated by love wishing others to enjoy happiness.

A Nepali girl who lived under poverty was struggling with her life. She had no parents, but a younger brother under her care. To save her life she has to go though operation which would cost 200000 Nepali Rupees. The doctor said that she would be dying within a couple of months, if she is not able to be gone through operation. But she had no option but to face dead. Fortunately, her situation was heard by a foreigner woman, and she took great pity on her. She then told the story to her journalist friend. Along with her friends she raised the donations. The donation they received is overwhelming. Therefore she saved the life of a Nepali girl.

I really appreciate the foreigner woman for her outstanding compassion, generosity and love to others. And I wish and pray that with her noble example more and more people follow her altruistic and noble step.

We should not think there are no good people in the world. We could not see them, since they are overshadowed by evil or bad people. And we should love and promote people like her, who are ornament of the world. Why do you waste time loving and promoting actors, actresses, singers, models and so forth? To your knowledge, she is more than any of them.

It is a simple thing that we can do without expenditure: We visualize family, relatives and friends surrounding us, and we consider, “Everyone wants pure happiness but no one possesses it. How wonderful it would be if everyone had pure happiness. I myself will make this happen”.
We then imagine that our body transforms into a wishful filing jewels, which radiate light in all directions reaching every single person surrounding us. When it touches them suffering from hot, it is like cooling water. When we completed this visualization, we need to think, “Now all family, relatives and friends around me are experiencing satisfaction and joy”. We can later and gradually extend this visualization to all living beings.

Geshe Lungri Tenpa said in Eight Verses of Training of the Mind: May I accept defect, and offer the victory to others. In fate, it is very deep and wide practice. Many Buddhisattvas of the past offered even their bodies for the sake of others.

Giving brings out fortune and power, and fortune mostly comes from giving. Without support of fortune we could not fulfill the wishes and works. If fortune has nothing to do with our daily life, then most of people would enjoy good life, since they work hard.

Giving also has power to purify our negativity, extend our life-span, as well as create pure environment.

We normally wish and pray, "May I am fine". Actually this sort of self prayer and wish has no this much power. That wishing and praying for others are more powerful than praying and wishing for oneself. To pray for oneself is narrow and praying for others is wide. When we pray and wish for others, the merit and fortune we accumulate goes to our credit.

Don’t think that it waste our money if we give it to other. The fact is that giving increases our income.

In general appearance men and women who reach 40s, 50s and 60s are considered as the old. The fact is that with each passing year, we grow older and older: We were kid in the past and we are adult now. Moreover, we grow old with each passing moment. Therefore, it is inevitable and certain that we will grow old one day.

If we are fortunate enough, we could live to be old or our life are un-certain. Taking into proper and wide consideration, the old man and woman are fortunate and more beneficial to the society and its inhabitants. We saw and see many die in young age.

The old man and woman are the pillars of their countries. Without the guide and guidance, one can find the destination. Similarly, they are the guide and provide guidance to the young generation.

During their young age, they made huge contribution to the society and its livings. Their physical, mental and verbal positive actions made huge impact on our society and us. Actually, whatever positive action we take up for ourself, these actions directly and indirectly impact on the society and its inhabitants.

On a way to a village, busses and trucks were jammed due to the road in progress. The truck, the old man, hit another truck whose driver was young man. There was merely tiny scratch. But the young driver got down and rushed to pull out the old driver. Number of travels circled around them. Some tried to intervene, but most remained spectators. Shortly, the young driver punched on the old driver. I said, why did you punch on the old man who is like your father? One day your kids will punch on you, if you keep holding such attitude of disrespecting and belittling of an old man. And…

Wearing diamond, gold, etc on neck and hand might be ornament from external perspective. But the real and beautiful ornament of human beings and the society is good morality. And good morality brings out security, prosperity and happiness among the family as well as in the society.

It is not big problem just to get up when an old man and woman enter your office and home. And also to extend your hands whenever it is needed for old man and woman around you. This is not only good morality, but also the essence of any religion, I believe.

The Lord Buddha often referred both male and female in his teachings. He commended "my son and daughter" in his teachings. It is inconceivable and impossible for the Lord Buddha to draw distinguish between male and female. He is the enlightened being with impartial compassion and love toward all sentient beings. But ignorance and jealous-bedecked persons do... The fact is that the speed of attaining spiritual realization hinge on ones consistent practice, but not on gender.

A dreaded article read: "The women join as nun because they lack of courage to challenge their life, or are unwilling to struggle." Probably it might be a case to a few women, but not to all. The words would hurt the sentiments of the nuns, and more drastically, it dwarfs those who want to be ordained as nun in order to lead a spiritual life.

On other hand, all sentient beings have the Buddha Nature or Buddha seed. So all sentient beings including a tiny insect has potential to be Buddha in future. Although we have Buddha Seed within our mental continuum, we are not yet Buddha. The reason is that we do not aware of such a seed we have, or not practiced as Buddha did. Both men and women have potential to attain enlightenment, if they unearth the seed and turn it into enlightenment.

On other hand, we witness a number of qualified Buddhist female masters across the world. She is worthwhile to be a master if she possess of an spiritual ability to lead the disciples to the path of liberation and enlightenment. If you find in a female master the spiritual power and knowledge to lead you to the path of liberation and enlightenment, then she is much worthwhile to be your spiritual master. Nevertheless, people flock around the masters having big names: it ever, or will not fulfill your spiritual thirst. And many simple masters get un-notice, although they have more spiritual power and realizations.

Truth be told, we are not able to note the simple masters who, with uncontrived spiritual power, can help lot of people across the world. Buddha did not say that you must follow the famous master, and then you will attain liberation and enlightenment. Finally, it is not necessary for a master to be Tibetan and monk, and thereby could be American, European, African, etc. More important, the races, gender and statues not only has role in Buddhism, but also against Buddhism. And what is more important is to contribute toward Buddhadharma and sentient beings.

May everyone be happy!
May everyone be free from misery!
May no one ever be separated from their happiness!
May everyone have equanimity, free from hatred and attachment!

To get married is easy, but to remain married is difficult. To have children is simple, but to bring them up well is hard. When a man and a women are in love, they feel that they can't separate from each other for even a moment; and, they long to dedicate their life to each other. The couple is very excited to get married so that they can live together. Then, they get married and settle down. Since they are deep in love, the couple enjoys happy life. They are so excited that they do everything to please each other.

With each passing day, they might lose the spirit, and cannot continue what they did at the beginning. The intensity of their love decreases, and they will see a difficult adjustment. Then they see negative, and act negative. They should maintain the love. She shouuld think that he is one with whom she is going to love and live with forever. It is vital to remain alert and not let that thought die out from the core of your heart.

The wedding is the beginning of your life together. If you spend most of your earnings on the wedding, you might have to put your finger in your mouth, not knowing what to do next. You might think if you don't have a lavish wedding, you will be embarrassed in your friends eyes. You say to yourself: "last year he did a fabulous wedding, and today I will do better than him." If you have money, then do it. The celebration is a once in lifetime opportunity. But you are not sure about the future, and the rate of divorce is high in this day and age.

It is a dream of some people to spend alot on their wedding day. This is not a problem. But you are wise to act according to your budget. Mostly we act when we don't need to, fearing other people's thoughts about us. If truth be told, the dream to live happily and longer is more important than a lavish wedding. We are not sure about the future. You might lose your job. Your business might fail.
Prior to marriage, you should know the personality of your partner. That you two love each other is not enough for living together. If you sustain your intense love, everything can be tolerated. But your love goes up and down. When your love decreases, you will come across uncomfortable and disagree with each other. So it is important to check whether there is agreement between personality and attitude. To find the couple with total concord between personality and attitude is very rare like a star during the day.

After the marriage, you trust, share, care, cooperate and love each other. In your married life, you will face obstacles. You must solve them by understanding, reconciliation and tolerance. For example, if he is late to come home, she thinks that he must have had to stay late at work.

Understanding

Some think, why he is late? The office must be closed now, where has he been? It develops negative thoughts. When he comes back, she asks, "why are you late and you must come home earlier." He is tired and bursts into anger.

Always, you must try to be back home on time. Love ones are waiting for you with anxiety. You need to spend a happy evening with your wife and children. In the morning, you went to office and your children go to a school. In case you wil be back late, call home, or your family awaits you with anxiety.

Reconciliation

On this weekend, you want to go to the movies, but she wants to go for picnic. What you do then? You will do reconciliation, either by going for movie, or picnic. If you put her interest first, leaving your interest behind, I could say you will have wonderful life. You might think why should I do. We must do it together, or else I can't bear to appease him always.

Tolerance

In your happy life, you often have to give up your interest for your partner, children, and friends. It is a lot of work to cook delicious food. One who longs for small happiness never gets hold of big happiness. If you merely follow your own interest, and not others, I think it will be very difficult to adjust your life, not only with your family, but also to the human society.

In marriage, it is usual to argue and disagree on some points. The couple argues on trivial matters. Arguments burst out over gossip and when things are not put in the right place, when your partner does not carry out your words, and when the partner disagrees with you. By argument, you will neither win nor convince your partner. The argument dislocates your healthy conversation, mental peace, or whatever. Is it indeed important?

You need to listen to each other. When you listen, listen with a big heart, or else you will erupt once you hear something unacceptable. Never say you are wrong, and never complain directly. If necessary, there are kind ways to correct the wrong. In most cases, your complaints are un-necessary. Remember, people love gentle, not harsh. Those who love to complain and put blame on others have no way to create a friendly and cheerful atmosphere. Actually, they find excuses to cover their faults.

It is fantastic profit for you to listen instead of talking. This way, you will know how to deal with your partner. You never win by argument. When your conversation is about to raise an argument, you need to change the topic immediately. You can stop the argument. Never set a fire; you can extinguish a fire; but it takes time and can cause damage.

The husband must think: "My wife is the best wife in the world. She is loving and caring; She loves and cares for me more than anyone in the world. She stays with me during the time of both happiness and suffering. She is a bridge when I cross water; she is a stair when I climb up. Therefore, I will love and care for her more, and always try not to separate from her even a day.
Similarly, the wife thinks: "M husband is one in a million. I am the only one he loves and trusts. He respects and values me. He sacrifices for me. He always puts me on top priority. He understands me. Therefore, no matter what happens, I will never give up his company, and love and care for him more than I do for myself.

The mutual love will remain constant and strong.

To make your marriage strong, it depends on both of you. If you are in harmony, you are in happiness. Fix things which cause disharmony. Most of our negative emotions are like a wave, which rise from the water and dissolve into the water shortly.

When looking at happy couples with golden marriages, you wish to enjoy such a marriage. It is in your hands. When looking at a huge mountain, you feel it is uphill task to climb to the top. The feeling discourages you. But there is no phenomena that doesn't become easy after familiarity.
Make your partner feel important and valuable. Your partner will make you feel important and valuable. When you feel important and valuable, you do more for your partner.

Ven. Ngawang Tenzin

GOOD THINK MESSAGE
Peace and bliss for people of the world.